Inspired Insights

What are YOU making it mean?

What are you letting hold you back? What are you letting define who you are? What are YOU making other people’s opinions mean?

It amazes me how often people, myself included, choose to believe criticisms and negative opinions of people before we listen to ourselves and our true people. The ones that love, care about us and want us to grow and succeed.

Why is that? Is it because somewhere, deep down, we already have that insecurity and by someone else saying it, it brings that insecurity to the surface? Perhaps. Is it because we are so desperate to please everyone that we forget who we are and the opinions that really matter? Maybe.

There are criticisms from my past that were hard to accept at the time and felt rather icky. Let me share two – one personal and one professional. In my personal life, I love to cook. I love to try new recipes and make a great meal for my friends and loved ones. And, I happen to know that I am a pretty good cook. Imagine my surprise when I was told, “you cook too fancy meals” as a reason someone didn’t like me. Huh. Interesting.

Then take the professional example that involved me writing online articles. The business I was writing for had a certain style that they wanted all of their pieces to sound like – basically like it was always coming from the same voice, not an individual account of a situation or event.

So, I would write, send it off for review, only to have it edited to sound like the same voice as all of the other articles. So, in that case, I decided to try to accommodate that voice style as much I could to help cut down on reviewer editing.

Then one day, an article I wrote included a quote from yours truly about an event I had managed and personally been at. The article went off for review and came back – with my own personal quote about the event rewritten! So not only did my articles need to sound the same as ‘the one voice’, my quote, attributed to my name, was changed to what the reviewer wanted said in the article, not what I really experienced and wanted to say.

At the time of these events, I was hurt, disappointed, frustrated and angry. While I didn’t have to agree with what was said, I also figured out that I was feeling this way because of what I was making their opinions mean. And then I realized I had a choice. I always have a choice. And I could choose what I would allow these events, criticisms and opinions of other people mean to me.

And I chose not to let them define me.

The person who didn’t like that I tried new recipes (among their other criticisms)? They can keep their opinion (which is theirs to have and none of my business) and I CHOSE to not have them as a part of my life at all anymore. And I still love to cook. Still try new recipes. Am an even better cook than I was back then – minus the odd recipe-trial-gone-wrong, of course – and my husband, family and good friends are the appreciative recipients of those delicious meals. And unfortunately, the taste-testers of those gone awry too. (Sorry, but thank you, Honey!)

And the writing critiques? As Van Gogh said, “If you hear a voice within you saying, ‘I am not a painter,’ then by all means, paint. And that voice will be silenced.” So here I am. Writing. Being my authentic self and using my authentic voice. Those who really know me can probably say, “As I read your articles, I can almost HEAR you talking.” Good. Then my work here is done. Because who I am, what I think, what I know and what I’ve learned is what I am here to share with you.

So, what are you not doing because you are afraid of what someone else with think or say? And if you get some constructive feedback of criticism, you have a choice of what to do with it. Be open, listen and then evaluate if it is useful information. If it can help you grow, use it.

If the feedback or opinion does not serve you, however, then let it go. And don’t make it mean anything that feels icky or painful. Rather remember, as I remind myself daily, other people’s opinion of you is none of your business. They have a right to their opinion. But so do you. And as in the above cases, surrounding myself with great people and trusting my own opinion of me has served me well.

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